my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize