i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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