I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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