I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize