maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
