Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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