i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
