Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
