weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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