you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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