Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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