nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
