It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
