did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
