dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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