I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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