I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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