and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
