saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
