I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
