I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
