He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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