I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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