He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
