when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
