Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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