Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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