dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
