Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
