getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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