Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
