You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
