Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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