i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
