I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
