So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
