oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
