my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
