we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
