I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
