apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
