worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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