I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
