I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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