Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize