Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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