the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
