dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
