I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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