You're my little dorito
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
