I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize