Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
