I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize