he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
