Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
