Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
