Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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