i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
