we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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