I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
