my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
