As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
