I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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