It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
