Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
