I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Actions speak louder than pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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