the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
