That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
