I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
