Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
