You made me cry and you don't even care
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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