I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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